what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
