i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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