I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
