NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
