Swine flu. Run for my life!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize