I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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