My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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