He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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