Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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