i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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