Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
