At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize