Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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