he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
