You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
