So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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