My friends, they love my intelligence
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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