No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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