sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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