Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
