Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
