i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
