someone get that fucking seahorse.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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