I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
