I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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