And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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