New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
