Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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