his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
