Do you still have your period?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
