U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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