I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize