He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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