is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
