i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
