A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
pop tarts are not kleenex
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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