i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
