i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
