yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
