So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
