ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
