Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
