your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
