And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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