Can i not drive my cunt home
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
