Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
