I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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