I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
