every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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