Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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