At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
