Non-Jews are for practice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
