yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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