does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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