jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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