I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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