i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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