and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
