I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
