This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
