I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
