It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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