I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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