Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Someone shit on the floor
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
