Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
