I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
