Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
