Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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