so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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