i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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